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The Five Valentines Day Clichés

DID YOU KNOW you can still have an awesome Valentines Day regardless of your relationship status?

CAN YOU BELIEVE that you don’t have to cry yourself into a Ben and Jerry’s black hole if you don’t have a date?

Read on to discover which type of gal you are this Valentine’s so that you can make the most of this annual day of luurrrvveee. 


#1: The ‘my life is a hallmark card’ gal.


If you are this girl, then congratulations! You have taken out the blue ribbon of Valentine’s Day. You probably woke up to pancakes in the shape of hearts and a brand new Michael Kors watch. He ‘did good’ when he delivered 20 long stemmed roses to your office and your 15K Insta followers agree.   


Now, of course you will post a pic of your loot with the perfect #couplegoals caption, but what else can you do to show your lover that you care? 


There are a million and one ways you can make your significant other feel good this Valentine’s day. But sometimes, a good old fashioned romp-a-thon is the best present a gal can give. After all, there is no better gift than yourself! 


The key to a great Valentine’s rendezvous is all in the preparation. Pick up some goodies in advance to spice up your evening. Massage oils and arousal creams are small effort, big impact bedroom additions that will enhance your play. If you want to get more adventurous, couples vibrators and playful accessories (think leather collars, whips and restraints) are sure fire ways to make this Valentine’s Day your most memorable yet!


#2: The ‘Samantha Jones is my spirit animal’ gal.

Hats off to you. You are cooler than all of us (and don’t you forget it). Your best friend’s boyfriend is in your DMs and you hooked up with your ex’s dad for revenge. We might all be a little bit scared of you, but salute you nonetheless: the superior badass. 


Take some time off this Valentines Day to explore yourself, by yourself. Solo sex is a great way to get in tune with your body and learn more about what makes you tick.  


Start by setting up your space. Chuck your phone on aeroplane mode, light some candles, and press play on your favourite sexy rnb jams. Style your hair and of course, put on your best lingerie. Treat yourself like the queen you are.

 

Foreplay shouldn’t be reserved just for a partner. Slow down and explore your body by uncovering and stimulating your erogenous zones. Caress yourself, paying attention to how your skin and contours feel beneath your fingertips. Use your favourite toy and deliberately tease yourself with it. This Valentine’s Day is all about you babe!


#3: The ‘I’m going to die alone’ gal. 


Whether you have just ended a relationship or are yet to find that special someone, for some, spending yet another Valentines Day alone can be hard. You check your socials just to see post after post of chocolate bouquets and fuzzy pink teddy bears. Netflix keeps recommending you watch The Notebook, and even the radio seems to be a continuous loop of love song dedications. No matter what you do, you cannot escape it. You are alone on Valentine’s Day and you are sad about it. 


Now, before you reach for another bottle of wine and cry yourself into a self-deprecating stupor, stop and get a hold of yourself. You can enjoy this day all by your damn self and that is what you’re going to do!


If you are exceptionally down-in-the dumps, I recommend getting out of the house (and out of your head). Why not try hitting up a dating app for some casual fun? Chances are, you will match with someone who (just like you) wants a distraction until February 15 rolls around. 


Alternatively, take yourself out on a date. Pick the most lavish restaurant you can afford and go. all. out. You will be spared from paying for someone else’s espresso martinis all night and you won’t have to share your dessert. Sit at the bar if you are self-conscious about not showing up with a date. No one will be able to tell that you are dining alone, and (bonus) you can flirt with the cute bartender. Win win!


#4: The GALentines gal.


You are all about your real soulmates: the chicks who have been there through it all. They have cheered for your successes and cried for your losses. They’ve seen you kick ass at the office on a Monday and vomit on yourself in the back of a cab on a Friday. They are your ride or dies and you want to celebrate how much they mean to you!


Pick a time and place and send out the invites. Want to do a boozy brunch? Perfect! How about a day of bar hopping? Even better! Why not try hitting all the lingerie shops in your area and pick out a cute bra and knickers for each other? The options really are endless. Commemorate this year’s love-fest by celebrating the women who mean the most to you!


#5: The ‘V DAY IS A CAPITALIST CONSTRUCT’ gal.


Let’s all take a moment to just ughhhhhh


Is Valentine’s Day just a scam to spend cash on unnecessary commodities? Perhaps. Does it promote materialism? Probably. But honestly, who cares. Please don’t be this person on Valentine’s Day.


Yes, we should show the people we care about that we love them every day, not just on Valentine’s Day. But, in a post-pandemic iso-filled world, isn’t it important (now, more than ever) to embrace a day that celebrates love in all of its forms? 


Instead of spending the day being negative - compile a gratitude journal. Write a list of who you are grateful for and why. Consider what your friends, family, and pets mean to you and how you can show appreciation for them. Valentine’s Day is about so much more than kitschy gifts and extravagant gestures. Think up (and execute) ways that you can make your loved ones feel valued EVERY day. I guarantee it will put a whole different spin on February 14, and *shock* you might actually enjoy it!


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