Mutual Masturbation
If you thought getting off solo was fun, wait ‘til you try self-pleasure with a partner!
Now, I know what some of you are probably thinking. Is it really that hot to be sat opposite your partner, staring at each other rubbing or wanking away at yourselves…?
If this was your reaction, though, let me tell you why you’re probably approaching it the wrong way. First of all, we’re no longer awkward adolescents (bless!). Think of it more as a sensual, erotic, and intimate exchange between you and a lover – rather than simply furiously staring each other down as you attempt to reach orgasm as quickly as possible.
Reasons to try it
Maybe one or both of you are menstruating, and you aren’t vibing period sex. Maybe penetration isn’t an option - due to pain, infection, or an STI flare-up. Or maybe there's no 'reason' at all and you just want to try something new with each other! Whatever the reason, don’t sleep on mutual masturbation!
Approach this sexual act with intention - it’s just as important to set the scene when doing this with a lover, as it is when doing it solo.
Mutual masturbation is a fantastic way to amplify the intimacy between you and another, for a number of reasons:
- It can feel a little edgy. If you’ve never masturbated in front of a lover before, the taboo element of it can really turn up the heat. Putting yourself all on display, in an act typically done in private, can be both a practice of intimate vulnerability and sexual power. Reow.
- It’s the best way to teach a partner how you love to be touched. Need we say more? Show them where, how fast, how slow, when to ease up, when to go harder, and how to tease you. Help THEM, help YOU.
- It is SO HOT to watch a lover in pleasure. Notice the flush of their skin, the catch in their breath, and let the sounds they make wash over you and help your own pleasure burn hotter.
- It can help you sustain intimacy, long-distance. Imagine setting a dirty Zoom date where you can both be dressed up, and starting by teasing your lover with a sexy, subtle striptease before showing (and telling) them exactly how you imagine it would go down if they were there with you… Recruit some toys, play with your camera angles, and really give them a show!
- And, it’s great for when you’re tired. Let’s be honest: especially if you’re in a long-term relationship, life can get in the way, and we won’t always have the energy for athletic, sweaty sessions. Mutual self-pleasuring is perfect for the times when you both need erotic connection, but may not have the physical energy to go at each other like wild animals.
Get creative
You don’t have to always be facing each other – play around with your positions! Partnered self-pleasure can be even more intimate and sexy when your bodies are in contact, too.
Some different positions you could try include:
- Lying on your sides, facing each other, legs intertwined - great for an intense session, with lots of deep eye contact and making out
- One person sitting up against the headboard, the other facing forward in their lap, off-centre so you both have room to reach your genitals - maximum skin-to-skin contact for all the yummy vibes. And the best part? The person at the back can lean forward to kiss (or bite) their partner’s neck and whisper dirty things in their ear. Hot!
- ‘Makeshift missionary’, where one partner lies on their back and the other on their front beside them, with legs intertwined or not - good for simulating missionary without the penetration.
And if you’re wanting to spice up your session even more, here are some smokin' hot ideas to try when self-pleasuring, together:
- No-one cums until you’re both ready to - This is a great way to tease and edge each other; for example, right when you know your lover is getting ready to blow, slow your own rhythm back down and cheekily let them know that you’re not done yet.
OR, the opposite:
- Try to make them cum first - Whoever cums last, wins. Know their deepest fantasies and hottest kinks, or how to dirty talk them just the way they like? Pull out all the dirtiest tricks in your arsenal to get your partner so hot and bothered (without you physically getting them off) that they just can’t control their climax… and watching them go over the edge can be your reward.
- Role-play - Come up with a scenario you both love about why you’re ‘not allowed to/shouldn’t go all the way, but…’ And don’t be afraid to get kinky! YUM.
Ooft. Have we got you hot and bothered yet?
We’d love to know what you think about these tips! Have you ever tried mutual masturbation with a lover? Would you?
Share your experiences with us (anonymously) via our Instagram story questionairres this week - we'll be publishing some of your responses and journeys next week in the culmination of our Masturbation May series.
RECAP:
Part 1: Welcome to Masturbation May
